I never came to Gambia with the intention of ending one marriage and starting another, when we came to Gambian in 1997 it was as a family. We were all affected by the 7 day holiday but especially the children and on our return the kids suggested that we could start a charity and that is really how it all started.

At that time we had made friends with one of the many Lamin's, but really it could have been anyone of a dozen or so chancers or bumsters that hung around the hotels making friends and looking for chances.

Gambia and Gambians have a way of creating a bond of trust, I do not understand the psychology or the abandoning of common sense, but I liked Lamin enormously and was happy to help him. It turned out, that as well as us, Lamin also had an older lady from England who also supported him. I will drop the names because the likes of Lamin and Foday are all the same - they are not criminals, they are not even knowingly conmen, they are simple, poorly educated young people living in poverty and looking for an opportunity to escape.

There are dozens of them and the tourist industry in The Gambia has concentrated them into the small land area know as the Kombos. This is the coastal strip of land where Gambia meets the Atlantic and from here the river Gambia snakes through this narrow corridor of land almost cutting Senegal in two. The coastal strip is where the hotels have been built, on or very close to the beach, and the tourists who fill the rooms are the honey that attracts every chancer in Gambia and the neighbouring West African countries it lures them to leave their villages much as Dick Whittington made his way to London dreaming of streets paved with gold. Some are lucky most just sink into the seedy side of prostitition drugs and degredation.

The police arrest them and beat them, special army units perform a similar function, but the flow continues to drain the Gambian countryside of its young, healthy, strong and active agricultural workers and young hopeful girls wanting to escape their tribal bonds, arranged marriages and the long tedium of oppressed women in a culture that favours the rights of men. The draw of potential riches is more powerful than the fear of the beatings.

OK - so that sets the scene.

A trip through any of the tourist resorts will allow you to see mainly but not exclusively older women with young often rasta men or older men with very beautiful younger women - you do see some similar age relationships as well, but the economics of the attraction, tends to favour the more mature established and richer whites attracting the beautiful but poor locals.

There is nothing new about this attraction, it goes on in every city around the world, where there are rich and/or powerful business men or politicians and young hopefuls male or female. Every so often a Mellor, Parkinson or a Blunkett is seen with a young wannabe and the press have a field day.

Gambia is essentially no different, except that, instead of rich old men and very attractive and desirable young ladies, in Gambia it tend to be relatively rich old women and extremely handsome physically wonderful idols of men. In the UK when it is an older man there is a national nudge nudge wink wink and a general 'lucky old bugger' attitutude, that is apart from the odd jealous journalist who points out that Michael Douglas is a pretty ordinary old age pensioner BUT with hidden assets in the Bank.

But when the roles are reversed and the blue rinsed pearl sets are abondoned by an ageing Europen women for a mutton dressed as lamb look and often much better than that - then one is tempted to feel that the reaction is general fear from the European male of the species who suddenly realises that the boot has somehow got onto the wrong foot. It presents one of those curious situations when the nudge nudge brigade suddenly look very silly criticising what they quietly admired and wished secretly was them, especially when considering where Catherine Zeta Jones might be spending the night - after all, in the half light don't they look just as good as Michael.

Even the end result often plays like a boring old record - The old man professes how foolish he has been, the affair is off and he returns to his beautiful wife, who publicly understands how he was tempted and is standing by him for the sake of his job, the money, his career or the children OR because she is just that sort of solid woman with a backbone who selflessly allows her man to make a complete fool of himself but takes him back - What happens in private - we are usually spared the details - until the ghost written book appears a few months/years later.

I am going into this detail because this really is not a new situation it just goes to show that it makes no difference if you are a beautiful young Gambian or a beautiful young European some people will do anything and sleep with anyone to get where they want to go..

Having gritted the teeth and taken the plunge of having as the comedians say 'old age creeping all over you' even oldies have virtues beneath their autumnal bodies and regardless of the size of their bank accounts - be they male or female oldies.

And undoubtedly in some cases genuine love, affection and respect develops and a lasting relationship based on genuine feelings is cemented - possibly the catylist was the bling and lure of better times but the reality is a genuine, loving and lasting bond.

Equally undoubtedly, there are many cases where it is nothing more than callous fortune seeking and the relationship is doomed to last no longer than it takes to get the money or a visa or a film contract or what ever else motivated the initial resignation that 'all cats look the same at night' and you don't look at the mantlepiece when you poke the fire. etc etc

Since starting GTS, I have had many more emails from older ladies who have taken young Gambian lovers, married them, brought them to England, showered them with love, affection and money and then have them leave when the papers allowing them to stay in England have finally come through (a process that takes about 3 years). Some are very very bitter about it - others accept it - marriage after all is a massive risk and the odds are heavily stacked against the chances of any marriage being a successful and long lasting relationship. But often there is a broken previous marriage, problems with existing children and big financial problems after heavy investment in Gambia which simply disappears and no legal system to get any of it back.

The awful empty feeling that someone you thought was being honest with you, was all along just using you - all those words spoken in a meaningless drama that ends in ultimate betrayal is embarrassing and heart breaking - but there is nothing that can be done other than lick the wounds and try to start again.

Caution is something that can be done in the initial stages but it is hard to be cautious when the result of loving actually hides all of the warning signs. Logic should actually prevail - why would a beautiful young person with their life ahead of them fall for someone, twice their age, with a body looking as if all the forces of gravity is already pulling them into the ground. But it doesn't reverse logic becomes more powerful and Gambians are great at saying such things as age is unimportant we have a meeting of souls - utter nonsense - but wonderfully believable and romantic if you want to believe it.

It is not possible to have the figures, because few will admit to it BUT Gambia is a polygamous culture and most of the eligible young men already have a Gambian wife oe sweetheart and if they don't it is only poverty that is stopping them - so as soon as they have a European wife they then do have the money to take a Gambian wife or two or three.

This is not a strategy practised only by Gambian men it is not unheard of for girls to take white husbands and to have a Gambian husband or boyfriend at the same time, this is a profitable economic business and it is increasing in Gambia, it is largely kept secret because it is to no Gambians advantage to make it public, it provides much needed income into the economy.

If this subject is to be talked about, it would be more productive to ask why anyone would consider marrying a Gambian if the risks of deceit and betrayal are so high.

I am well placed to have a view on this, as I recently married a Gambian lady and do have a fairly priviledged view of the situation and the going ons of this shady aspect of Gambian sub-culture, from the many emails I receive. Rather like the nudge nudge wink wink of Europen onlookers most Gambians would condemn it in public, but recognise that it gets the bread on the table and supports the wide triangle of people who benefit financially from such relationships. The more successful young men can have two or more white women suppoting them and in turn they can support several Gambian wives and their children in modern day harems. Few of the wives like it but it keeps then in a standard of housing and living far above what they would have if they married a Gambian trademan.

Few of the white women like it if they find out and equally few of the white men are over the moon to arrive in Gambia and find their wife in bed with her Gambian boyfriend or husband - but actually very few do find out because like any profession all the Gambian benefitting from the pretence close ranks and say what is needed to cover up the reality.

I have to say - I really have no idea, how a holiday maker after a two week relationship with a charming young Gambian can arrange to marry them on their next visit, phone calls, emails and letters may make it feel as if they have had a close relationship for months but it really does beggar belief.

Gambians seem to have learnt how to act as a mirror to people - reflecting back what the person wants to see rather than what they really see, that and the very veryu unscientific statement that love is blind is the only explanation that I can offer for probably 80% of the Gambian/European marriages that happen - some less kind observers say it is desperation - old unloved, unhappy people clutching at straws.

I rather hope I don't fall within that 80%.

When I came to Gambia, Helen and I had been married for 20 years, we had four wonderful children, all very different, all with great potential.
The charity we set up stumbled along absorbing the chancers we met in the early years and parting company with them when they cheated us but GTS continued to grow and continued to be successful. Most of the petty opportunism was aimed at us rather than the charity and with only one exception that I know of no sponsors money was ever misappropriated.

After 5 years, the charity was truly on its feet - GTS was established and the team of Gambians working with us were generally speaking committed and happy to be working with an organisation that was helping not only them but Gambian education as well. Some were more honest in European terms than others - some were happy to exploit administrative loop holes in the Gambian operation at the GTS Bar and Restaurant, but the catering trade world wide is very open to such petty corruption and it is hard to have systems in place that can control the sale of food and drink simply not being recorded and the takings finding their way into staff pockets. Small quantities of restaurant ingredients certainly found their way to the homes of many of the GTS staff.

I was now spending 3 months at a time in Gambia and my potentila retirement was looming. Helen was now back in full time work after the last of the children left for university and as far as one can love work she was loving it and rose rapidly in her profession as a teacher. She decided that she did not want to come to Gambia and we decided that it was really best fo rus to go in our seperate directions. We never argued about it and have remained very close friends but nevertheless decided to divorce.

In late 2002 the maid we had at the restaurant wanted time off and introduced her 'sister' to us - at first this was jsut to be a temporary covering job - The sister was Filley. Within a few days Filley had made her mark. A maids job is one of the least well paid positions and in many ways (if done properly) one of the hardest jobs. It also carries very little status. Filley accepted the job and tolerated the poor pay but in return worked as hard as if she was paying all the bills herself.

Over the next few weeks every corner that had been previously used to hide the rubbish was cleaned to a standard that you could have eaten food off the floor itself. The other staff, who are fairly normal and tending to be 'Gambian' and some what lazy and indifferent didn't quite know how to take Filley and rather dismissed her as stupid to work so hard for such little money.

It was hard not to be impressed - Filley worked as if her future life in the hereafter depended on it and as I got to know her I realised that to a greta extent that was true. She didn't view us as employers as the other staff did she had a god given opportunity to do a job and however mucj or little she was paid it was her own self respect that demanded of her that she do her very best not for us but for herself.

Filley was a character among a staff of characters, but her work ethic was something matched by only one other staff member and I always used to say that GTS could be the best and most well known tourist business in Gambia if we could just clone these two members of staff.

I liked Filley enormously and ensured that her money rewards steadily increased to match her work output. But Filley herself says she is a difficult person and her sheer effort tened to cause friction with staff unprepared to work as hard as she worked. Out of work she was a mystery, I knew more than most about her private life and had great respect and sympathy for her dedication to what she saw was right.

In late 2004, I stole her from the Restaurant to become the housekeeper at GTS Kololi compound and she attacked the compound in teh same way she had attacked the Restaurant. I promised her that I'd build her a self contained house that she could live in, I'm not sure she believed this, even when the house was started in early 2005.

Gambians who are serious take time to study people who may become their partners and from early 2003 to the autumn of 2005 Filley was quietly studying - it is not a European trait to study like this, we either like a person and imagine them as a partner or dismiss them as unsuitable - Filley never once gave me any indication that she had room in her life for a man - I rather felt she despised men as an untrustworthy rather lazy and definitely not very serious sub species of human who use women and discard them at their own convienience. This is a harsh view of Gambian society and Gambian men but in my nine years experience of Gambia it is with a very few exceptions extremely accurate.

On my return in October 2005, Filley and I just spent every spare moment talking - about the house and compound, about GTS and the charity about Gambia, about everything and that talking hasn't really stopped since.

In November I asked her about marriage and why she had never been married before - she said she had never met anyone serious enough to be married to before.

A number of members have met Filley at the GTS compound over the last year all were impressed with her, it would be hard not to be impressed, she is hard working, amusing, very courageous, a striong lady in a country where women are not really respected and also very beautiful.

Do I have doubts - well of course I do - I am staggered that no one has managed to persude her to marry before. Does she have doubts - well of course she does - she has never met anyone who hasn't betrayed her.

We had a wonderful wedding day on the 14th March and a small private reception at the compound in Kololi. In August 2006 I retire from my UK day job and Filley and I will run the Kololi compound for GTS and GETSuk members, we have a few other plans that we share and hope to spend the next 20 or so years making them happen.

Helen will come and stay with us for Christmas and New Year in December 2006 / January 2007 - when we will be celebrating 10 very successful years of GTS in The Gambia.

Pictures to follow once collected from one and all.

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